As things stand...

My surgery has been canceled.

It was scheduled for July 16th, last Monday. Because of the short notice we were given, our plans for this week were altered: Davide's PhD graduation ceremony was canceled, my mom changed her vacations and flew all the way from Portugal to be here.

I became so anxious about the surgery I couldn't sleep at all. I was extremely nervous, constantly trembling and feeling sick. I can't describe the whole state of uneasiness, tension, apprehension and worry I was in.

And then, in the early morning of July 11th, I received another phone call from the Dental Hospital, this time cancelling the surgery. I was told that an urgent case had came up, and unfortunately it had been scheduled for the time slot I was given before. I felt like being hit by a train. In shock, I wasn't able to think of an answer or in what to say; "okay..." was the only thing that came out.

Davide was leaving to pick up his parents at the airport, who came to visit us for a week. I stayed at home, digesting on my own what just happened, how our lives were suddenly turned upside down once more. In anger, I called the hospital and demanded a date for my surgery - it was the least they could do for me. Please, give me another date for my surgery. I need to know when this suffering will end. The lady with whom I had spoken earlier told me it had to be my surgeon (Mr. C.) re-scheduling the surgery; she would try to get in touch with him and promised to call me later with a date.

The day went by and she didn't call. On the following day, first thing in the morning, I called the hospital. The same lady told me that unfortunately she wouldn't be able to speak with Mr. C. to re-scheduled my surgery until the following Wednesday (July 18th), as he was on leave.

So... If my surgeon is on leave until Wednesday (July 18th), what happened to the urgent case scheduled for Monday (July 16th), the day my surgery was due? Am I missing something or is this a really bad joke?...

I understand my surgeon is only human. And, like all of us in case of need, he has the right to his days of leave, whether because he is unwell, or to enjoy a well deserved rest on a sunny beach, or to give assistance to a family member. I do understand and accept it without questioning.

However, I was given two completely different and incompatible excuses by the same person. That I cannot accept.

On Wednesday at lunch time, I called the hospital. No news - until then they haven't been able to reach Mr. C. to discuss my case; hopefully by the end of the day I would have a date. I called the hospital again at 16h30, just before closing time. I didn't even need to identify myself, as they knew already who was calling. "I'm sorry Ana, but we haven't been able to speak with Mr. C. yet. Rest assured we will call you as soon as we have a date for you. However, most probably your surgery will be a few good weeks from now." A few good weeks from now...

I did my best to enjoy the days spent with Davide, his parents and my mom. I did my best to smile at Davide's graduation, although I couldn't stop thinking it should be the last day of my suffering. I am still doing my best to control the tears, and not to let the sadness and despair take over, despite being in more pain than usual. It helps having my mom near me, as I cannot show her how I really feel. It is bad enough to see her crying for not being able to help me.

I still don't have a date for my surgery. I still haven't received any phone call from the hospital. But I keep hoping for the day when my phone rings again.

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I have promised a post describing the details of my future surgery - the eminectomy -, and finalising my story (until the present date). It is half written, but I have stopped writing after receiving the news of the surgery cancelation. I will soon finish and publish it.

Thank you all for your kind words and support! They mean more to me than my words can describe.